Taken Over by Aliens

I wish that Rudy would have talked to me some and tried to figure things out (or at least let me know what he's thinking and why this is happennig) instead of just deciding on his own that I would be a single mom. This is not what I want. But it seems like the decision is made. I have to respect his decision. What other choice do I have?

Even though I'm still really hurt and confused, and I know that he's hurting too, I still love him. And there is still no one that I'd rather be having this baby with. Perhaps that makes me a fool.

I know at times it must seem to him like I've been taken over by aliens, and in a way I kind of have been...well, one alien. :-) At my core I'm still the same person that he decided to have a baby with, that at one time he loved enough to want to marry. I still don't play games, I am still very honest and open, I still love to laugh and be silly. Why can't he see this?

I'm willing to make myself vulnerable and say all of this because I know that he's still the same person at his core too. I know that he is honest and caring, passionate and strong. And I still know that he'll be the best father that Lucian could ever have. I also know that he's hurting and that he doesn't trust me to not be taken over by aliens. I'm so unbelievably sorry for that.

I can't tell you how sorry I am for everything that's going on. Things have gotten so out of control and out of hand. I don't know what to do, I feel helpless. I wish there was a way to make everything right again.