Labor Part 2

So then the nurse said it was time to get back into bed and they were going to put the monitors on me for about 20 mins. The monitors go around the outside of my belly and track my contractions and the baby's heart rate. They wanted me to lay back while I was on the monitors. The problem is that when a contraction came I felt the urge in my body to sit up. When I would do this they would lose the baby's heart rate and it looked like he was in trouble when he really might not be. The nurse explained that if I wanted to do this naturally I had to lay back so they could track Lucian's heart rate.

But sitting up was compulsive. I had no control over it, it's just what my body said it needed to do. And contractions were stronger, coming faster and faster and lasting longer. The only comparison I can make for it is this: it's like if your hand was being smashed under something really heavy and you were told that you have to leave it there, while your body is telling you to move it. A nearly impossible task.

It's right about this time that there is a knock on the door. It's Rudy's dad, Bob. He had been in and out, which didn't bother me at all. But this time he wasn't coming in, he just cracked the door and didn't even poke his head in. He stood out of sight, and said that he had Rudy with him. Being delirious and in the middle of labor I intelligently said “Does he want to come in?” No, Taryn, he’s standing outside your door knocking because he doesn’t want to come in.

They come in. Rudy sits on the couch which is horrifically located directly at the foot of my bed. He’s front and center to all of my glory! I have a contraction, it passes. I tell Rudy that I have a birthday present for him in my car and ask him to go get it. I’ve been trying to give this gift to him for weeks. I tell him not to open it until he gets back up here. I have another really strong contraction while he’s gone. By the time he gets back though it’s like nothing’s happened. The contractions are strange that way. When they hit it’s like all hell has broken lose. But once they’re gone it’s as if they were never even there! He opens the gift and gives me a genuine thank you looking in my eyes.

He got there just in time because just after he opened his gift things really started moving. And not in the direction I had hoped. The nurses now tell me that we’re going to have to do internal monitoring. Ok, that doesn’t sound too bad, maybe then I can actually sit up like I want to. I couldn’t have been more wrong. For internal monitoring they have to screw something into Lucian’s head. You read that right, screw something in his head; while he’s still inside me.

So a nurse or doctor or someone comes in and they tell me to lay flat. Lay flat! Not just lay back a little like before, now I have to lay flat! That in itself hurts. So I lay flat. This person then puts her entire arm inside me. She is like a salmon swimming upstream when my body is trying to push everything out! All I could see was her shoulder…I can only guess where the rest of her arm was. I am literally screaming bloody murder, I’ve never heard the sounds that came out of my mouth and I have no idea where they came from. I couldn’t help it. It felt like my body was actually being ripped apart from the inside.

They finish and I recover a bit from the trauma. I am still not allowed to sit up and they tell me to roll over on my side to see if that helps. It doesn’t. I hear the nurses talking; they’ve done something wrong with the monitoring and are going to have to do it AGAIN! I want to scream out “hell no you don’t; you had your chance, and you fucked it up, too bad!” But I’m in too much pain to say or do anything!

They turn me over and back up they go. It was just as bad as the last time.

This whole time Rudy is just sitting at the foot of the bed, just across the room. I’ve got no idea what he’s thinking or how he’s reacting to all of this. I’m quite the spectacle I’m sure.

I say that I feel the need to push. The nurses tell me that I can’t I’m only 7 cm. They check me again and say I’m at 9 now. I tell them that I need to push, they still say that I can’t I’m only at 9. I think in my head “check it again, because I need to push” I’m honestly not sure if I said anything or not. The doctor with the great bedside manner shows up and tells me “hold on I’m gonna go change clothes, you’re only at 9 you can’t push yet” I’m sorry, what?! Hold on? You’re going to change clothes…to what something that matches your eyes better! NO, it’s time to push, I will not hold on!

The next thing I know a nurse has grabbed Rudy and brought him up by my head. I hear him say very quietly “I don’t know what to do” he sounded so small, and helpless. The nurse puts his hand under my head and I start to push.

Pushing was WAY harder than I thought it would be. And it’s ironic. You feel the need to push but when you do it HURTS! I push and push and feel like my legs are going to fall off because I’m breaking my hips in half. I feel a few little pricks and then a pain that I cannot describe because my body didn’t let me feel it, it was so intense. I sit straight up and reach down to push the doctor away from me. She’s cut me before I am numb. I scream “THAT HURT!” Glaring at the doctor. Everyone grabs me and is trying to make me lay back down (why I don’t know, I really would have done so much better if they would let me sit up some! It’s like trying to take a crap laying down!! Who does that?) I’m hysterical and not listening to anyone. They say that I have to push, I just shake my head no. You just cut me! Now you want me to push in the same place you cut me!!! You’ve lost your mind!

The doctor tells me the cord is around Lucian’s neck his heart rate is dropping. He is too small to use the suction cup to get him out, I have to push now. Everyone is yelling at me to push and I think it would just be easier to die. Through it all I hear my name right beside my head. “Taryn!” it was Rudy. Everything else in the room fell away. I only saw his face and heard his voice. He said “You wanted to do this, and you’re gonna do it” He held up his hand for me to take. We held hands and he pulled in close, we looked at each other for a min. I pushed.

After each push I grunted. I’m a very vocal person to start with and this was really strenuous work; it called for some grunting. Not that I could help myself anyway. Lucian’s head was out. They didn’t wait for me to push again, the doctor just pulled him out. I heard it. I don’t remember hearing him cry. I just remember being glad it was over. They held him just over my right thigh and asked Rudy if he wanted to cut the cord. He said “I don’t know what to do”. They showed him. He cut the cord and Lucian was whisked away to the warmer in the corner. I had more work to do.

Now I had to deliver the placenta. No one told me there would be more pushing. So I push and the doctor pulls on the umbilical cord and pushes on my stomach. It was not pleasant. A nurse comes to remove the wires from my inner thigh that were tapped there for Lucians monitoring. She briskly rips them off in one fail swoop. I cry out “Ouch!” “it’s only tape” she tells me. I’m dumbfounded. Yeah it’s only tape that you just ripped from my inner thigh!!! That area is already on high alert!

Next I get stitched up. I’m still not entirely numb and I feel several of the passes of the semi-circle hook of a needle. I exclaim, “ouch!” The ever sensitive doctor says “yeah, I know” I’m not given anymore numbing shots.

Finally I get to see my baby. He has on a tiny little oxygen mask. A nurse is telling me something about his breathing and that he’s going to the NICU. He’s gone before I really even get to see him. Rudy goes to the NICU with Lucian and then comes back a while later to give me an update on how he’s doing and to check on me.

Lucian is off of the oxygen but they have to give him something to help keep his lungs inflated. I ask Rudy, “so what do you think about all of this?” He makes an overwhelmed face.
I say “I know, fucking crazy huh?”
“no one told me it would be that intense” he says
“yeah, no one told me either”
We squeeze hands for a min and just take in the moment. Then he leaves to go back with Lucian.

Two hours after giving birth I walk down the hall to a new clean room. Rudy leaves once I’m settled in the new room. We share a very strong lingering hug.

I’m so tired and all I want is to go see my baby. I know I don’t have the strength to walk down to the NICU and I’m too delirious to think to ask for a wheelchair. I eventually make it down there and get to feed Lucian for the first time. Incredible!

Lucian got to come to the room at about 11 that night. I slept for about an hour that night. Well it was 6 in the morning by the time I finally gave in. I could hardly blink; I didn’t want to take my eyes off him. I couldn’t believe he was there, that he was mine. That I brought him into the world, I created him. He was magnificent, the most amazing thing I’d ever seen.

The next day we had a dozen people come to see us! Five hours of visitors. It was wonderful! The love and support was overwhelming. We are SO lucky!

Rudy came to visit that next day.  He sat in a chair staring at Lucian for almost 2 hours.  When he left he offered a hug.  Again strong and lingering.  I asked him while we were hugging "We're really gonna do this huh?" He said "yeah". 

Lucian and I both got to come home the next day.  I walked in to deliver my baby and I walked out of the hospital 2 days later :-)