And Back Down to Zero

October 9, 2009

went to the dr today, everything is fine, we're right on track. he said that we are to the point that whenever I go into labor they don't need to try and stop it, I'm past the pre-term labor mark.
I still want to talk to you, if youre ready to meet

I've already said talk

i don't want to do it over email...we're having too many miscommunications, and it's taking forever...can we please meet?

I'm not saying it again talk

never mind then, I don't want to do it this way...it's too hard love, why won't you meet me?

Well I'm busy so talk if you want

You’re busy…forever? It doesn’t have to be tonight hun…why don’t you want to see me?

Sigh, well, I don’t think we came to a conclusion about you being there for the birth or not…you’re still not sure what you want…correct? Will you please try to figure that out as soon as you can? Do you have any other questions for me about this?

I want you there very much, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you be there and be comfortable.

Have you thought about what you want after Lucian is born? What kind of time you want with him? Do you want to take him to work with you some days? That kind of stuff.

babydoll, I don't want to spend another night checking my email every 5 mins to see if you've written me back, I want to talk to you and get some of this figured out so we can both move forward...does that make sense?

Its pretty sad that you would check your e mail that much

that's hurtful, we're having a conversation...I'm trying to be available to have that conversation..I'm trying to make things better rudy...and i realize that makes me a pitiful fool, but i'm willing to be that to make this work
if you're just going to be hurtful to me then let's do this another time, I've got reasons enough to cry already

I don't know how many times I have said talk

you don't respond! you can say talk all you want, you're not talking back so what else am I to think other than you don't want to talk?
here is what i said that you never responded to:
You’re busy…forever? It doesn’t have to be tonight hun…why don’t you want to see me?
Sigh, well, I don’t think we came to a conclusion about you being there for the birth or not…you’re still not sure what you want…correct? Will you please try to figure that out as soon as you can? Do you have any other questions for me about this?
I want you there very much, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you be there and be comfortable.
Have you thought about what you want after Lucian is born? What kind of time you want with him? Do you want to take him to work with you some days? That kind of stuff.

so 4 hours have gone by with us writing back and forth and we've accomplished nothing, other than me getting frustrated and hurt feelings...thank you for another lovely evening, ending with you not responding to me
how about you? what have you gotten out of this tonight?


October 10, 2009

I just figured it out...you're doing this on purpose. You're trying to hurt me...I guess, because, it's what you think I deserve? this is cruel, spiteful and malicious. haven't I hurt enough too?
when you're really ready to talk, let me know. And don't say back to me that you've said you want to talk...you don't want to talk, you are just toying with me.
when you're brave enough, we can meet and talk face to face, like grown ups

Youre being crazy I'm not doing this to hurt you I'm have things to get done so just e mail me right now

no, i'm sorry, I can't do it like this anymore...and now I'm sick too. I hope sward class goes well
why don't you come by after class? or we could meet for coffee

Can't child safety day

not sure what child safety day is...but what about later then, like this evening? or maybe tomorrow...I am not feeling great today

I have the boys tomorrow

what about tonight? I want to see you this weekend because the birthing classes start this Thursday, if you're thinking you might want to be there for the birth, the classes might help you feel more comfortable... and if you're gonna be at the classes I'd like to see you before that.
This Thursday's class will have a tour of the birthing unit...

Tonight is editing and sleep

come on rudy, I'm trying here, help me out...you can't find an hour in the next two days?

Maybe

I would like that :-)

I don’t know

well, we could give it a try, meet for coffee ...if it's too much or too awkward we just end it. no harm done
I've got to go out anyways to get some juice...I can't drink anymore water, I'll float away :) and drinking is helping my throat feel better :)


Rudy didn't talk to me for 5 days after this....