It's October

So the middle of last month I told Rudy that he had until the end of the month to talk to me and get things rolling to figure out what we're going to do...that hasn't happened.  So today, October 1st, I sent him this email...

Well, I told you that I needed to hear from you by the end of the month and that we needed to start making plans by then. Or I would have to assume that you're not going to be a part of any of this. And that if you decide later that you do want to be a part of all this, it would have to be on my terms. When I'm ready.

I'm really glad that we got to hang out one time, but that's not enough for me to see that anything has changed. And now that you're not responding to me...again... I'm backed into a corner Rudy, and I don't have a choice. I've only got 7 weeks left. I feel like I've given you more than enough chance to show me that you want to be involved. And I've gotten almost nothing back from you...

So....here, are my terms. If you want to be at the birth we need to spend more time together, and it needs to be on a consistent basis until Lucian comes. Right now I don't feel comfortable with you being there, I don't know this person you've become. I also don't trust that if you are there, you will stay. I can see things getting to be too tough for you and you bailing. If we do this and you come, you stay for the whole thing, no bailing.

If you come, you come to support me and help take care of me, and put yourself on the back burning. That day will be about ME and Lucian. I will not be able to deal with your issues, or any of my issues around you. We deal with them now, or you will not be there. That means we need to sit down and talk, really talk, about what happened, where you're at, your hurt, and how we can make things work (as parents of the same child, not as boyfriend girlfriend) You will have to let down your guard and defenses and trust me. We need to be in a different place than we are now if you're going to be there. I will NOT let you ruin that day for me. I've thought about having a baby since I can remember and I refuse to let you rob me of a wonderful day.

With Lucian's birth my priorities will shift drastically, from you and our issues, to Lucian and nothing else. If you don't come to the birth...you will have to wait until I contact you and say that I'm ready for you to come see your son. I can't say when that will happen...while I'm in the hospital, the day I get home, a week or so later, or once I'm back into a routine at work. At that point if you want to be involved with Lucian we'll have to sit down and talk about what you want and what I can do.

I'm really sorry that it had to come to this. It's not how I wanted things to be...I tried everything I could to prevent this...you wouldn't meet me even a quarter of the way there.

We'll see what he has to say...if anything