But the Content hasn't Changed

October 8, 2009

how long are you going to be at the Dojo? can we talk some more? I thought we were having a pretty good and open conversation last night
you can always come by and have dinner...I could order Chinese :-)

Not coming by

I knew you wouldn't, but I've got to ask :-) can we still talk?

Talk

ok...tell me about your hurt, what's hurt/hurts you?

Not a relevant question I said don't talk to me about that

don't get upset...I don't remember you saying not to talk to you about that, I wouldn't bring something up that we agreed not to talk about...although I feel like it is relevant...but if you don't want to talk about it I'll let it go...
So then, do you want to be there when Lucian is born? how are you feeling about his approaching birth?D

Don't really know

can you give me any more than that?
love, I really want to talk to you and get some of this stuff figured out. And I know that you love to make me wait ;-) but if I'm gonna have to wait 20/30 mins to an hour every time I send you a message just to get 'don't really know'....it's going to make me crazy. we're dragging out a conversations that we could have been done with last night.
so are ready/willing to talk to me or not?

Youre just going on and on that's not talking

wow actually it's called conversation, it's a lot easier when you can actually hear the other person's voice. And I also asked very specific questions of you that you won't answer...ok then forget it...what do you call talking? and how was I going on and on?
I give up
Rudy, I can't make you want this, and i can't make you be a part of this, one of the greatest things in a person's life..I've tried everything I know to do...I've given you every opportunity, made myself open and vulnerable, reached out to you over and over again only to be shot down and hurt, like what you just did right now...
I give up
I guess just let me know when/if you're ready for this, and realize how difficult you are making things...especially for me, like this isn't hard enough on me already,or that I don't have enough other things going on to deal with too.
btw, tomorrow is my divorce hearing, and just so you know, I sent in the paper to find my birth mother, they sent me a letter and are looking into it, I should know something in the next 6 months or so...

I have a dr apt at 2:45 tomorrow...you are, as always, welcome to come

sorry to go on and on...yet again

See you know youre going on and on youre the one right now that is making it hard

how am I making things hard? and even if i am making it hard right now...you've made it hard for 4 months love...maybe I have just finally found my limit

me saying sorry to go on and on...yet again, was sarcasm
do you really want to talk or not? if you do, then lets see each other and really talk, enough of this other crap already

Ok

ok what love? do you really want to talk?

How many times do I have to say it

are you willing to get together then?

let me know what you want to do rudy...I'll try to continue to be open and vulnerable and not put up any defenses or walls...I have to go to bed now, I have court in the morning