Dating

I went on a second date last night with this guy that I didn't really want to go on a first date with.  Haha All these years and I'm still too much of a people pleaser! I feel bad because he's SUCH a nice guy and seems like he'd be a great friend.  He is accepting of Lucian. No it's more than that; he thinks its GREAT that I have Lucian and he enjoys seeing how happy Lucian makes me.  And that's AMAZING to me... I just don't feel romantically about him. It sucks, because he's a great guy. I know I have to tell him, I just don't really know how...no that's a lie.  I just don't want to deal with it.  God that's awful!

I don't know if I'm really ready to start dating.  Is my heart really mine to give to someone else yet? I love when I ask myself questions I already know the answer to.  But I ask hoping the answer will be different...it never is! haha

I want to be ready.  I want to move on, to start healing.  I want to finally find the person I can grow old with.  I'm so tired of thinking I've found that only to find that the other person isn't ready, willing, healthy, or straight!

Having said that, I'm happy.  I'm content and fulfilled in the rest of my life.  I LOVE my son, and I wouldn't change a thing about him.  I love my job and the people I work with.  I'm happy where I live and with the friends I have.  I have SO much going for me that I'm ok to wait.  I think I'm finally at a place in my life where I can wait for love to come and find me.  It's a good place to be.