Surgery and Getting Sick

Well last Friday morning I went to the Dr because I was still bleeding from delivering Lucian. They did an ultrasound and found I still had part of the placenta inside me. The Dr said I needed to have a D&C. A D&C is when they dilate you and then scrape out everything inside your uterus. It’s outpatient surgery; you’re put to sleep and the whole nine yards of any surgery but you get to go home pretty soon after everything is done. We scheduled it for the next day but then his office called and asked if I could do it that night instead. So we scheduled the surgery for Friday night.

I had told Rudy earlier in the week that I had to go back to the Dr and I might need his help. I had a feeling I was going to need a D&C. So as soon as I got home I sent Rudy a text to let him know what was going on and see if he would come help me with Lucian.

I said, “Can you come over tonight right after work? I’m having surgery…”
A little later, “I need a ride and someone to watch Lucian, will you help me?”
A while later still, “Are you seriously not even going to respond to me when I’m having surgery? That’s really fucked up Rudy…”

He hasn’t really been talking to me at all in the last week or so. I’ve gotten maybe one or two texts is all.

An hour or so goes by and it’s been my experience that if he doesn’t respond right away, he isn’t going to. So most of what I send him is for my benefit and not his; just things I need to get off my chest.

“I’m so hurt that you aren’t even going to talk to me when I’m having surgery, there aren’t words for it. I’ve never been so let down.”

Almost right away I get this message, (prepare to get mad) “first I’m at work second you never told me about this.”

REALLY!? I couldn’t tell you the number of HOURS Rudy has spent texting at work. This has never been a concern of his; he’s just being an ass hole!

My response, “I’m sorry to bother you at work, this is kind of important. You didn’t know about this because I just found out this morning when I went to the Dr, and I told you I was going to the dr and might need your help.”

No response

About 20 minutes later I say, “But you don’t have to do anything, your mom is going to help me, like always”

After surgery I send this message, “Do you want to know how things went? Or do you care?”
No Response.

The next day he was teaching a sword class at the Dojo here in Parker, 5 minutes away from my apartment. Hoping that maybe he didn’t respond to any of my texts because he cares about me so much he was just scared to deal with the idea of me having surgery and because I figured with the message I had sent the night before he wasn’t likely to stop by and check on me so I thought I would open that door and see if he walked through.

“I hope you’ll come by after sword class, it would be really nice to know that you care, if you do. I was very hurt yesterday by your response. I was scared and felt like you didn’t care at all.”

He knew his mom was over and I don’t think he wanted to see her so several hours later when I knew class was over I said, “Your mom left a little bit ago…are you going to stop by?”

No response and he never stopped by.

An hour later, “Is that a no? Do you care about me at all Rudy? I’m so hurt, I can’t even be mad, I’m devastated, I don’t understand.”

Two hours later still no response and I need a little closure, “Well I guess we’ll see you Christmas Eve….bye my love”

His family invited me and Lucian out to dinner for Christmas Eve, it’s their family tradition.

I took a long nap and woke up feeling a bit stiff and achy. I thought I had just slept wrong on the couch or something like that. Otherwise I was feeling ok and my friend Kate was having a holiday party. There would be several people there I know and haven’t seen in a while. I’ve been isolated and cooped up for awhile and really wanted to go to the party. So I went. Ate some great food and hung out for a while. As the night wore on I felt more and more achy and stiff.

I didn’t sleep well that night and to move, even just to turn over in bed, took a lot of effort and hurt like none other. To sit up in the bed so I could feed Lucian hurt, to unbutton his clothes hurt, to slide open my phone hurt.

That was Saturday. When I got up Sunday, this afternoon, I almost fell over because it hurt so badly to stand up. So I wrote to Rudy, “I’m in a lot of pain, having trouble taking care of Lucian, will you help me?”

No response…he never responded and didn’t come over to help me. Luckily a good friend came over and helped me that night. The next day I was on the mend. So strange!