Finally did it

The last week in August I did something very brave! I (finally) sent out papers to the state of Virginia to find my birth mother and family. I'd had the paper to fill out for almost 5 years, since I worked at Rockbridge in VA, but I was always too afraid to send it in, or even fill it out.

The way it works is, I fill out the paper and send it in to some government something in VA, they contact the agency that was involved in my adoption, who in turn tries to contact my birth mother or family. On the paper it said that the agency that looks for my family might charge a fee of an unknown amount. Also that if they contact my mother/family and she/they say "no, don't give her our information, we don't want to be contacted by her" it's over. That's it.

So now I'm 'all in' and there's no turning back. It's pretty freakin scary and I can't think of anything to liken it to if you're not adopted. It’s this huge life-changing thing that you’ve thought about your entire life, the outcome is final and you have no control over it.

I didn’t mention that I’d done this until now, because it’s SO huge and I’d rather not think about it and drive myself crazy waiting and wondering how everything will turn out. I have no idea how long it will take or what kind of information I’ll get back. So I figure it’s better to just not think about it. I suppose that makes now the perfect time to send it out because there are SO many other things taking up my attention right now.

I have often talked about wanting to find my birth mother, and family. And I compare it to sky diving. It’s something that I think about a lot and would LOVE to do, but, I will have to have someone strapped to my back to push me out of the plane!

Well I guess it turns out that’s not true. It turns out the only person I needed to push me, was me.